and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i dont even know how to be here
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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