I smell stomach acid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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