Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize