we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
