I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
