We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
