she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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