She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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