Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize