if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
