We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
