I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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