Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
