You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this beer tastes like vomit already
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
