He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
