I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
