he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
