Three words: puerto rican gang bang
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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