I'm passing your future prison.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
