if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize