One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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