Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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