She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
