She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
