I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
