if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You can't special order awesome
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize