Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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