just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
