I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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