Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
