you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
