I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
