I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
