You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize