I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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