think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
