these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
