Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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