Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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