i permit you to call me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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