I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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