hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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