i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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