My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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