When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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