Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
