did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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