im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
