Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
