just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
