I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
