this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
