Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize