do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
