I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
