I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
