Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
