I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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