Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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