Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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