At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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