nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
