i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
