Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize