I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
