Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
