I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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