Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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