did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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