It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
