Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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