Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
