uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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