I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
