If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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