just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
