Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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