Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
