I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
