Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
