You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
