If that was your dad, he is hot
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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