We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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