We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
