He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
