rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
