I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
