David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
