She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
