Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
40s are totally the cure
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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