what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
