Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have post one night stand depression
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
