I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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