Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
