it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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