My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
