What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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