Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
