I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
