Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
