Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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