Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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