What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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