What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
