Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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