this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
