You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize