I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
