If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
