WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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