If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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