It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
BRING THE BAGELS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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