Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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