ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
