Acid is not a monday night drug
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
