He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
