Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
